How to Set Boundaries & Build Healthy WLW Relationships?

Basics of Boundaries in WLW Relationships

In the journey toward the life and love we desire...

You will want to build intentional friendships and ultimately create your ideal healthy romantic relationship.

To be honest, creating dream relationships isn’t always easy and requires intention and focus. 

Four Essential Elements to Maintain WLW Connections:

#1 The Audacity to Believe in Our Worth

The first step is to believe that we are worthy of our desires. This belief is foundational because it sets the tone for everything that follows.

#2 Taking Action Towards Our Desires

Belief alone isn't enough. We must take concrete actions toward what we want. This means actively pursuing our goals and dreams, rather than waiting for them to come to us.

#3 Willpower to Reject Anything Less

It’s vital to have the willpower to reject anything that doesn't align with our healthy desires. This might mean saying no to toxic relationships, unfulfilling jobs, or any situation that doesn't serve our well-being.

#4 Gratitude in Advance

Gratitude is a powerful tool. By thanking the Universe (or whatever name you prefer for your higher power) in advance for the life and love you desire, you create a positive mindset that helps manifest these things into your reality.

Shifting Focus to Attract the Right Partners for a Healthier Life

Focusing isn’t always easy. Sometimes you don’t realize that you are focusing on the wrong things…and that will only keep attracting partners you do not want in your life.

Are you dwelling on past mistakes, pain, and pressures, or are you looking ahead to your potential, desires, and progress? The shift from a negative to a positive focus can transform our experiences and the people we attract.

Whether in romantic relationships or friendships, it's crucial to choose people who are good for your nervous system and self-aware. There was a time when I prioritized "hot" over healthy in my relationships. But I've learned, especially as someone who has navigated the push-pull of toxic relationships, that we must intentionally choose to be attracted to and open to healthy people. This choice is vital for our peace and physical health.

When I was in unhealthy relationships, I literally got diagnosed with lupus, and now, those inflammation markers are gone from my bloodwork. This shows the profound impact our relationships can have on our physical health.

Choose Connections That Elevate You

You've probably heard the quote from Jim Rohn: "We tend to become like the five people we hang out with the most." It's a reminder that our connections shape our future. If you find yourself stuck in bad relationships, feeling like you're not the best version of yourself, or even physically ill because of a relationship, it's time to take stock.

Think about the people around you. Maybe not all of them have growth mindsets, and you find it challenging to stay on your path when you're with them. Perhaps someone is coming to mind—a relationship that isn't good for you, whether it's romantic or platonic. This connection may be dragging you down or keeping you average.

If you don't love everything about your reality, it's time to make changes. It's not always about what healthy habits to add to your life; sometimes, it's about who you need to bring into your life to move to a better season.

How Will You Overcome the Challenge of Making New Connections

Calling in new, healthy lovers and friends isn’t always easy, especially as adults or queers in rural areas. If you're not settling in different areas of life, others around you might not get you. You might even trigger people because of your authentic, joyful, and free-spirited life.

Have you ever experienced old friends or family treating you differently after you've made positive changes in your life? Whether it's making healthier choices, getting a promotion, or saying no to toxic relationships, this shift can make others uncomfortable.

When this happens, it's a sign that you're making moves others may fear to make. They may never experience the peace you're finding. It's okay to feel a bit off when these situations arise, but don't let them steal your joy. As we say in the South, sometimes you just have to "bless and release."

Embracing Your Authentic Self

Losing friends or facing uncomfortable conversations can trigger your nervous system's alarm bells, making you feel anxious or uneasy. This reaction is natural and part of our human need for connection and safety.

But the solution isn't to shrink yourself to fit in. It's to step into your full authenticity. When I came out, I lost many friends and family members. It was painful, but it also revealed who truly supported and loved the real me. I realized that those who scattered when I embraced my true self were never really my friends; they liked the version of me that fit their expectations.

If you're resonating with this, you might be struggling to keep people liking you by people-pleasing and not being yourself. Remember, if you have to change who you are for someone to like you, they never liked the real you to begin with.

5 Steps to Nurture Supportive Relationships for Personal Growth

Step #1 - Be Intentional with Your Focus

Reflect on where your focus is: Are you dwelling on the past, or are you looking toward the future?

Step #2 - Create Your Distance List

Write down the names of people who drain your energy or aren't good for your growth. Decide whether to speak to them about setting boundaries, limit your time with them, or even block them on social media.

Step #3 - Let Go with Compassion

Use the Ho’oponopono mantra: "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you." This can help you release any lingering negativity.

Step #4 - Create a Healed List

Identify people who are good for you or list the qualities you want in new relationships. This can be a wish list for the kind of connections you want to attract.

Step #5 - Take Action to Attract Healthy Relationships

Reach out to someone you've connected with recently, maybe even someone from a supportive community or group you're part of. This can be a great way to start building new, positive relationships.

Life becomes fulfilling when we're surrounded by genuine, supportive connections. Don't be afraid to seek out and nurture these relationships.

And you have already taken a great first step towards creating meaningful connections…

After all, the best place to build life-giving friendships with fellow growth-minded lesbian and queer womxn is THE QUEER COUNTRY CLUB™. 

Frequently Asked Questions

Why are boundaries important in WLW relationships?

Boundaries in WLW relationships help define each partner’s needs, limits, and personal space, creating balance and a respectful dynamic. Healthy boundaries prevent misunderstandings, foster trust, and allow both partners to feel valued and supported.

How to attract healthy WLW relationships?

To attract healthy WLW relationships, focus on self-growth, define your values, and engage in activities that align with your interests. Being authentic and clear about your needs also invites partners who respect you and share your values.

What role does self-esteem play in setting boundaries?

High self-esteem empowers you to set and uphold boundaries because you recognize your worth and prioritize your well-being. When you value yourself, you're better able to communicate limits without fear of rejection.

How to set boundaries in a WLW relationship without being controlling?

Setting boundaries without control means focusing on your own needs and preferences rather than trying to change or limit your partner's behavior. Communicate openly and use "I" statements to express your boundaries, allowing for mutual respect and understanding.

How do you build trust in a WLW relationship?

Building trust involves honesty, consistency, and vulnerability. Be open with your feelings, follow through on promises, and create a safe space for your partner to express themselves without fear of judgment.