How to Set Boundaries & Build Healthy WLW Relationships?
Basics of Boundaries in WLW Relationships
You want to wake up with the love of your life and enjoy a peaceful breakfast together…everyday for the rest of happily ever after…
Well, in the pursuit of an ideal life and love, you will absolutely want to build and sustain a healthy romantic relationship. However, this is no easy task! Building healthy boundaries in wlw relationships requires genuine intention and focus. Research has consistently suggested that healthy boundaries actually lead to increased trust and respect, conflict reduction, and ultimately - higher relationship satisfaction!
Wondering how to build a healthy boundary in your relationship?
Worry not, we’ve got you covered!
Four Essential Elements to Maintain WLW Connections
Setting healthy boundaries in relationships is the key to loving relationships. Boundaries themselves can be of any sort - physical, emotional, or even psychological. However, the aim of boundaries, especially in wlw relationships, is protecting personal space and integrity. Building boundaries begins by maintaining a loving connection. Here’s what you need to know…
The Audacity to Believe in Our Worth
The first step is to believe that we are worthy of our desires. This belief is foundational because it sets the tone for everything that follows. Take, for instance, Maya and Samantha. Maya struggled to say no to Samantha’s requests to constantly hang out, even when she needed time alone. After a few months of feeling anxious when she didn’t get her own space to read or take a bath, she realized her own needs mattered and that Samatha would probably respect that. When Maya communicated her desire for personal downtime, Samantha was happy to give her sacred space, which strengthened their bond.
Taking Action Towards Our Desires
Belief alone isn't enough. We must take concrete actions toward what we want. This means actively pursuing our goals and dreams, rather than waiting for them to come to us. Picture Sophie, who wanted more open communication with her girlfriend, Aria. Instead of waiting, Sophie initiated weekly check-ins on Wednesday afternoon car rides to the grocery store to discuss feelings and plans, helping both partners feel seen and heard.
Willpower to Reject Anything Less
It’s vital to have the willpower to reject anything that doesn't align with our healthy desires. This might mean saying no to toxic relationships, unfulfilling jobs, or any situation that doesn't serve our well-being. For example, before Jane ended an emotionally draining relationship with her ex, she was so afraid she would never be attracted to someone who respected her boundaries…because to be honest, the toxic cycle was thrilling and the makeup sex was hot. But she finally let go of her and got off the emotional rollercoaster. Eventually she met Jess, who respected Jane’s boundaries. This transformation reinforced the importance of setting limits for emotional well-being.
Gratitude in Advance
Gratitude is a powerful tool. By thanking the Universe (or whatever name you prefer for your higher power) in advance for the life and love you desire, you create a positive mindset that helps manifest these things into your reality. Layla, for instance, wrote in her journal every night about the kind of love she was grateful to attract… What she smelled like…What adventures they would go on…and how passionate her Future Wife would be…both in bed and about her career… A year later, she met her wife, who embodied the qualities she had envisioned.
Shifting Focus to Attract the Right Partners for A Healthier Life
Focusing isn’t always easy. Sometimes you don’t realize that you are focusing on the wrong things…and that will only keep attracting partners you do not want in your life.
Are you dwelling on past mistakes, pain, and pressures, or are you looking ahead to your potential, desires, and progress? If so, you may need to learn how to set healthy boundaries! Doing so allows a shift from a negative to a positive focus. This can transform our experiences and the people we attract!
Whether in romantic relationships or friendships, it's crucial to choose people who are self-aware and good for your nervous system. There was a time when I prioritized "hot" over healthy in my relationships. But I've learned, especially as someone who has navigated the push-pull of toxic relationships, that we must intentionally choose to be attracted to and open to healthy people. This choice is vital for our peace and physical health. Most importantly, this intentional choice sets the ground for healthy boundaries in wlw relationships!
When I was in unhealthy relationships, I literally got diagnosed with lupus, and now, those inflammation markers are gone from my bloodwork. This shows the profound impact our relationships can have on our physical health. Remember, you deserve healthy boundaries in relationships!
Choose Connections That Elevate You
You've probably heard the quote from Jim Rohn: "We tend to become like the five people we hang out with the most." It's a reminder that our connections shape our future. If you find yourself stuck in bad relationships, feeling like you're not the best version of yourself, or even physically ill because of a relationship, it's time to take stock. Most importantly, it’s a sign that you need to set a genuine healthy boundary in your wlw relationships!
Take Kara, for example, who realized her best friend was subtly undermining her confidence in her relationship. After addressing the issue and setting boundaries, Kara noticed her relationship improved because she surrounded herself with supportive people.
Think about the people around you. Maybe not all of them have growth mindsets, and you find it challenging to stay on your path when you're with them. Perhaps someone is coming to mind—a relationship that isn't good for you, whether it's romantic or platonic. This connection may be dragging you down or keeping you average. It’s essential to have the right connection to learn how to set healthy boundaries!
If you don't love everything about your reality, it's time to make changes. It's not always about what healthy habits to add to your life; sometimes, it's about who you need to bring into your life to move to a better season. This is exactly what is needed to set the base for healthy wlw relationships!
5 Steps to Nurture Supportive Relationships for Personal Growth
Setting healthy boundaries in wlw relationships begins with you taking key steps in the right direction. It’s you who needs to bring in the intention in your relationships, thus setting the stage for boundaries and growth for both! Here are the steps you can practice…
Step #1 - Be Intentional with Your Focus
Reflect on where your focus is: Are you dwelling on the past, or are you looking towards the future? Lisa found herself reminiscing about toxic exes until she began visualizing a happy, drama-free relationship. Eventually, she met Claire, who shared her dreams and values.
Step #2 - Create Your Distance List
Write down the names of people who drain your energy or aren't good for your growth. Decide whether to speak to them about setting boundaries, limit your time with them, or even block them on social media. After identifying people who drained her, Naomi limited her interactions with them. She blocked a few on social media and spent her time with friends who cheered her on.
Step #3 - Let Go with Compassion
Use the Ho’oponopono mantra: "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you." and listen to positive heart-healing music. This can help you release any lingering negativity. When Mia’s ex kept reaching out, she used the Ho’oponopono mantra to let go of resentment. The emotional weight lifted, leaving her free to embrace new relationships.
Step #4 - Create a Healed List
Identify people who are good for you or list the qualities you want in new relationships. This can be a wish list for the kind of connections you want to attract. After breaking up with a partner who dismissed her needs, Ava made a list of qualities she wanted in her next relationship. Months later, she met someone who checked every box.
Step #5 - Take Action to Attract Healthy Relationships
Reach out to someone you've connected with recently, maybe even someone from a supportive community or group you're part of. This can be a great way to start building new, positive relationships. Anna joined the Queer Country Club, where she met her now-fiancée. By stepping out of her comfort zone and engaging with supportive spaces, she found true love and friendship.
Healthy Reminders For Lesbian Relationships
Open and Honest Communication is vital! It helps partners to feel safe when expressing their feelings, desires, and concerns!
Healthy wlw relationships mean respecting each other’s boundaries, opinions, and life goals.
Both partners need to have an equal say in decision-making - from everyday choices to significant life-changing decisions.
The best way to provide emotional support - allow experiencing an emotion without trying to fix it immediately.
Finally, let go of past grievances and resentments that may hinder relationship growth.
If you're ready to attract your very own WLW relationship, check out the Queer Country Club™ and send in your application today!
After all, the best place to build life-giving friendships with fellow growth-minded lesbian and queer womxn is THE QUEER COUNTRY CLUB™.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why are boundaries important in WLW relationships?
Boundaries in WLW relationships help define each partner’s needs, limits, and personal space, creating balance and a respectful dynamic. Healthy boundaries prevent misunderstandings, foster trust, and allow both partners to feel valued and supported.
How to attract healthy WLW relationships?
To attract healthy WLW relationships, focus on self-growth, define your values, and engage in activities that align with your interests. Being authentic and clear about your needs also invites partners who respect you and share your values.
What role does self-esteem play in setting boundaries?
High self-esteem empowers you to set and uphold boundaries because you recognize your worth and prioritize your well-being. When you value yourself, you're better able to communicate limits without fear of rejection.
How to set boundaries in a WLW relationship without being controlling?
Setting boundaries without control means focusing on your own needs and preferences rather than trying to change or limit your partner's behavior. Communicate openly and use "I" statements to express your boundaries, allowing for mutual respect and understanding.
How do you build trust in a WLW relationship?
Building trust involves honesty, consistency, and vulnerability. Be open with your feelings, follow through on promises, and create a safe space for your partner to express themselves without fear of judgment.
